Monday, January 7, 2008

Google fun

I recently stumbled across a book that tells you how to find out dastardly secrets about everyone, though maybe not so dastardly if you're used to glitzy paparazzi gossips.

Look, you can't NOT know Google. People would probably give you a blank look if you even thought of asking 'Whats the google website?'.

And yes, if you're thinking of anything Google-like they will know. You see, when you think, you emit these little particles into the atmosphere called Hameons that can be detected only by a very expensive device called the Pork-Chopinator. Why ham? Because it just is. You don't hear yourself asking 'Why is nose-picking scientifically known as Rhinotillexomania?'. Because it just is.

And they're not called the 'We know everything there is to know search engine' for nothing.

Even your thoughts.

DON'T let this happen to you.

If you act fast, you'll be able to minimize (or maximize, as you'll soon read) public divulging of your most intimate, dastardly secrets!

As always, I've got the scoop. Here's how :

  1. Visit
  2. Enter your name into the search bar followed by 'is', with quotation marks, like this : "jonathan is"
  3. Search and prepare to cringe as your darkest secrets are revealed!

I did a quick search on mine and got this : Jonathan is no longer in solitary confinement but prison life remains harsh.


Seriously! Go give it a try with your own names, and feel free to share as you see fit. Remember, the first step into rehabilitation is admission of guilt! This is, of course, assuming you're coming clean about your past wrongs.

See, by admitting you're telling everyone 'Oh fine, I'm no longer in solitary confinement, but, so what? I like it here being ostracized by the public. In fact, I don't have to share my food anymore!'

If it backfires, like a certain Mr Chua Soi Lek, then it's really not my problem. It's yours. So now that everyone knows, they won't be prodding you behind your back any longer. Sure, they'll be prodding you in front of your back, but you'll probably feel better about it now.

So, go! Have a shot at it and tell us how it went.

Final words : Be strong.

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