The Eid ul-Fitr Festival, or Hari Raya Aidilfitri as it is more commonly known in Malaysia.
I know this is a little untimely, simply because our exams are long gone, DEAD and OVER, but for the benefit of those who are still struggling through their SPM (Sangat Penting punya exaM) and PMR (uhhh, Penilaian Menegah Rendah), I've decided to publish a new series of helpful guides at random intervals in time, depending on how lazy I decide to be.
Cue drum roll.
Installment #1 of Jonathan's Pointless Guides to Everything - Pulling an Emergency All-Night Study Session.
Lets face it, just about all of us don't really look seriously into revising till the last week before our exams. Of course, this depends on the varying difficulty of the exams in question. Lets quickly look at a table comparing the exams of different education levels to an approximate of when you should start studying.
When you should start studying
Standard 1 to 6
Study? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…- No one (that means me) studies when they’re in Primary School, regardless of what our teachers try to tell us.
If you’ve been listening in class, the night before is fine.
Form 1 to 3
A day before. MCQ (multiple choice/objective questions) basically means you don’t have to study.
3 days before each paper. Again, MCQ.
Form 4 to 5
Aiya, if you know your stuff just run through it the night before. Especially English.
Two weeks before, be zippy zappy about it and you should be done in time for SPM, with plenty of time to relax as well!
Note : I don't seriously advocate my own advice. DON'T listen to me.
Probably the only subject you should be absolutely serious in studying for in the SPM is EST. No bull man, that's a crazy subject, namely because I got a B3 for it. Blah. Let's get back on track.
So you're Form 5, and suddenly realize you've got a big SPM-thing looming ahead of you that would partly determine your future success and undertakings. And since you've recently gotten yourself addicted to that new Carrie Underwood song and forced yourself to listen to it on repeat for the past week, you don't realize your Bio paper is in two days!
(If you're weren't once DJ-ian, you probably won't understand the next paragraph)
You DON'T listen to Puan Lim when she teaches. You PHOTOCOPY all your work from Chan Koay Soon when you need to hand it in. You sit at the table where EVERYONE stands the minute its your turn to answer Puan Lim's questions. Your idea of a good Bio experiment is poking fish guts with a scalpel and making funny shapes with your isotonic potato strips.
So just how will you learn two years worth of Bio facts in the span of two days? This calls for drastic measures. This calls for an All-Nighter! If you're a person who can't study under pressure, then you're pretty much doomed.
For my finals, I had to do something like that too. Amidst work, Halo and Halo 2, I had to fit in studying somewhere, so where better than the whole night? We spend most of our lives sleeping anyway. So, drink coffee. Truth be told, I hate the stuff, but it works. Kinda.
Well, that's one way of getting your caffeine dosage. Coke has a wee bit of caffeine in it.
This is how I usually get through the night with a cup of coffee and a little sleep.
Burning the midnight oil?
My never ending source of caffeine.
Thick, intellectual books to read in case I get bored. Har har, I jest.
8.00pm - Has dinner and freaks out after realizing exams are tomorrow. Goes watch TV with little sister. Usually High School Musical or Totally Spies.
9.00pm - Snorts coffee powder (this is optional - you can add water to yours). Falls asleep in 5 minutes.
10.30pm - Wakes up and attempts to study.
11.15pm - Bored. Logs on to YouTube to watch Hannah Montana for an hour.
12.15am - Resumes 'study' while solving a Rubik's Cube.
1.00 am - Tries to study again. Notices the room needs cleaning.
3.30 am - Makes resolution to study. Reminds self that Physics is HARD. Successfully continues study without distractions.
3.37 am - Remembers to bath, having forgotten the night before.
4.00 am - Gets hungry, goes downstairs to eat.
4.30 am - Actually gets solid studying done.
6.00 am - Caffeine wears out. Takes nap.
6.40 am - Wakes up and hunts down mosquito because it is annoying.
7.00 am - Prepares for school.
So you'll see for yourselves, it isn't all that hard. Now, you can save yourselves some time if you take my Certified Mosquito Prevention Steps. Firstly, get yourself a sleeping bag or big blanket to cover yourself up, like so :
Head covering removed for illustrative purposes. Breathing apparatus (straws) optional, but for added security (ie: if you don't want stung lips like Angelina Jolie or Amber Chia), feel free to grab a few.
However, this alone won't guarantee an hour of blissful, uninterrupted sleep. Mosquitoes are INCREDIBLY annoying in the way the buzz around your ear when you're sleeping, only for you to start slapping yourself all over. Or, you try getting up to slap it dead. You run around the room, getting sweaty and thus emitting more carbon dioxide, which makes it even easier for mosquitoes to find you. While your back is turned or you're taking a breather, it nips you in the butt and it gets itchy for DAYS. Stupid buggers.
So if you're on the verge of desperation and feel like crying, try this. According to Andrew, who first told me of this, it works. So far I haven't met anyone willing enough to try this, so if you do, lemme know!
Step 1 - Bait the enemy.
Step 2 - Trap the enemy
Once it's snugly in your ear, the trap is set. All you need to do is spring it.
Step 3 - Strike to Kill
Step 4 - Gloat over Victory
The best thing about it all is, mosquitoes can't see in the dark! So they'll never know what hit 'em. Of course, neither can you, but who cares.