Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I swear it!

Recently, Winson and I gave some presentation in school about some Energy Audit project we did a month ago. It was quite well met, which made me quite glad actually.

The now (in)famous picture of Riza, imprinted in the minds of them impressionable school kids.

Of course, there were a couple of things we forgot to do. Forgetting to inform Mr. Jonathon (our IB coordinator) was obviously the biggest mistake. Besides the obvious, it turns out I was also a little rude on stage. ‘’Jonathan, you don’t use words like ‘darn’ or ‘crud’ on stage’’, said he, very civilly.

‘’Oh dang it’’, thought I.

Perhaps I was getting a little used to saying not-so-rude or crude words every time something slips, or every time I stub my toe on something. Well, fine. As much as possible, I’ll try not to say ‘darn’ or ‘dang’ or anything of the sort from now on. But ah, I need some sort of milder substitute to slowly wean myself off. Sorta like a nicotine patch for chain smokers.

I know! I’ll start swearing by ‘peanut butter’.

Yes lah, it’s very lame and nonsensical, but it gets the job done. Plus, I probably get points for coolness. Imagine a situation where Dai Ah Long (gangster guy) and I are walking and both of us almost got run over by a car.

Beep beep beep boop boobity boo beep beep beep’ (Guy starts swearing in Chinese, obviously censored. Plus, I don’t know enough Chinese to swear)

And then you’d hear ‘Peanut butter!’

Haha, I know, it sounds insane, but I happen to think it’s insanely cool as well.

Then you’d ask me, why bother? Just swear and be done with it. Well, I don’t really know. It might just be me who thinks it sounds a little crude to be swearing all the time.

I asked one of my classmates today why he was constantly swearing all the time.

"Oh, swearing amplifies the emotion I’m trying to convey. Say, if I was happy I’d say I’m ***************** happy so I would sound happier."

Right. I don’t think that’s an adequate enough justification, but all the same, if you enjoy swearing so much, by all means go ahead. I’m not the one making a fool of myself. The thing is, with every other person uttering expletives at every other thing nowadays, it’s become just so commonplace, so ordinary. Why, I might even dare say it’s downright boring and redundant.

Take for example, an exceedingly infuriated person. If he were to swear, he would probably sound like this:

Oh my BEEP you BEEPing BEEP BEEP BEEP, I’m am so going to BEEP BEEP your BEEP BEEP BEEPing BEEP and BEEP your BEEP up so that BEEP BEEP BEEP until you BEEP and BEEP and also BEEP, but not forgetting BEEP!! You BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP and your dog BEEP BEEP argh! You BEEP mushrooms are BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!! Tuna is BEEPing expensive BEEP BEEP BEEP. . .

And so on, so forth, etcetera, etcetera. . .

Practically nothing is left to the imagination. It’s all spelt out in beeping graphic detail for you. Another thing I have against swearing outright is that it’s just so . . . brainless (for lack of a better word). Any idiot could just start shouting random cuss words (in no particular chronological order) and that would constitute swearing. Bah, such humbug. Really, I think it's a particularly bad habit, much like scratching our bums in public or sneezing in the general direction of other people.

So if anyone asks me why I'm generally 'goody-good' and why I choose not to swear, now you know. Of course, there is the whole moral perspective, but besides that viewpoint, now you know.

Cheers :)

Oh and by the way, for some good intellectual swearing (hah, I keep telling myself there is such a thing) in action, honestly, none do it better than the English. Here’s a short clip from the movie ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ for your enjoyment. Watch out for them Frenchies!

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